Words So Leisured

Continue on with my obsession with Franz Ferdinand: one of their tracks on the bonus disc called "Words So Leisured", which has the same tune and almost the same lyrics as "Darts of Pleasure", is just way too cool. It's very different from the stuff on the rest of the album. Mainly piano and guitar accompany, and the vocal got rid of the garage rock voice and sing the whole song with a deep sexy tone. Almsot jazz like and just way too nice to be stuck as being on the "bonus disc". :P

Anyway. Watched little babies having EEG taken this morning. The little baby is just oh so cute. I tried very hard not to baby talk to him. He's a healthy one, they just need to test the equiptment rather than testing him. It's just peaceful, watching him sleep. Okay so the "electrodes are stuck to his head part" might make it just ever so slightly less cute but still. I also got told I'm not going to be allowed to setup the equiptment, which means I can't actually touch the babies. Ah well.

Starting to get hungry again... don't like early starts.

Early start?!

ARGH! Just got an email from my psuedo-boss that he wants to meet me at the hospital at 8am to see a baby having EEG taken. It's for my PhD thesis, got no excuse to get out of it besides "it's too early" which isn't a nice excuse. So I guess it's early day for me tomorrow then.

I'm too used to waking up at noon now. Bugger. Really need to re-adjust my body clock. That's the problem with doing research, and scheduling your own time. Although once I have the laptop hopefully that means I can work wherever I want and I might start to force myself going to work or to uni.

Really need to get the working habbit up and running again... yikes!

Lazy Tuesday

Woke up at noon today. It's like all the energy has been drained out of me. But if my supervisor is happy about my progress, maybe I had almost reached enlightenment, and maybe I can take a wee break.

Oh, CD review time:

I bought the Lazy Sunday box set the other day. And it's worth every cent I spent! Anyone who likes jazz and blues it's perfect for them. The box set has 6 CDs, big names include Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Peggy Lee, the lot. It also got instrumental tracks for people who like instrumental stuff better. It's the kinda tracks you can just pop into your CD player, and loop it and sit back and relax. Man I wish I have a multi CD changer, pop the lot in and that's my day's worth of music done. :D

Another CD I like to advertise is Franz Ferdinand. Petey got that one for me and after I've listened to Dark of the Martinee for the umpteenth time I've decided to just hit shuffle and repeat all. I think I might have found my next favourite band. No it's not just because of the Scottish accent that they might have (It's so nice though. *sigh*.... *ahem* anyway). They're quirky, they're just so charmingly unique.

Anyway, that's all the review I'm gonna do for a while. Not like I can write much about music anyway. I know what I like but it's hard to put into words. Probably better if I start working.. err.. soonish :P

The meaning of Life

It's almost 10:30. I've been in uni for more than an hour
and a half. I just read a few pages of Craccum. I have a
box a milky green tea and a milo energy bar on my desk.
The equations on the wall are looking more and more like
a collection of squiggles, staring back at me almost
mockingly. I know I should start working soon. I really
should. Then again, if I rather read Craccum, of all things,
than working, I doubt I'll start working anytime soon.

Anyway. Spoilers to follow for the movie Nemesis Game. Don't
say I didn't warn you.

Watched Nemesis Game last night. Pretty good movie if not
just a bit strange, and loose ended if I may say. I still
think they could've done a bit better on the whole meaning
of life thing. I think it's a good concept that's not
carried far enough. Playing a riddle game in search of the
meaning of life sounded to me like it can go far. Although,
I suppose the main point (or the lack of it) is there.

Rather a pathetic point of view isn't it? Predetermined fate
is something I've been reluctant to accept. Maybe I'm too
afraid to think of the implication. The idea that whatever
you do is part of the big plan and you have no control of it
is rather terrifying. It's also irresponsible. Although,
sometimes when you look at life, it does at times seems like
they're all pieces of a puzzle. They all fit together to show
where you are now. Is it a matter of cause and effect? Or is
it all in a plan?

How about if we just focus on what's really important, rather
than speculate on the meaning of life?

Limpy

Okay, the story goes I was early to lunch yesterday, so I thought I'll cross the street just in front of the cafe that I'm supposed to meet my friends, and get some shopping done. Little did I know that there's this thing called a curb. So down I go and the familiar "click" was felt in my ankle. Tried to stand up and yup, I sprang my ankle alright.

Of course after lunch I still have to get back to uni. From High Street. Ouch.

I was also lucky enough to have committed myself to go out last night AND tonight. Not to mention the two nights was with completely different group of friends and we're going to the same restaurant. I wonder if the waitress can recognize us.

Bumped into a friend in front of the restaurant last night, he was waiting for his bus there. I just hope I won't bump into him again tonight, it's a wee bit hard to explain why we'll go to the same restaurant two nights in a row.

Except maybe just "food is good".

Anyhow. Limping my way back to my search of enlightenment. Wish me luck!

Coffee & TV

*yawn*

I"m in my lab at the moment. So very sleepy and tired. Although
I dare say that I think I'm very close to enlightenment now. I
found another source of equations where it's expressed in yet
another set of variables but this time everything's not only
consistent but it's actually possible to derive from one
equation to another. Horrah!

I haven't notice it before, but it seems like I've stopped using
coffee to wake myself up for a while. Until recently. I wonder
why I stopped in the first place. Have I not been waking up in
the morning for that long? Have I really took advantage of the
flexible timetabling of a research postgrad for too long? Or
maybe I just can't be bothered because it's no longer free.
Whatever the reason, I'm not too sure whether I should be happy
that I'm back to the coffee drinking. It's addictive you know.

Not much to do with TV in this post. It's just that I'm drinking
coffee and whenever I'm drinking coffee, that song just plays in
my head.

Maybe I should just play that song to wake me up.

The annoyance that is "LOL"

Okay, I've just about had it.

Everyone, repeat after me: "Just because we're only writing an email, or chatting online, it DOES NOT mean we have to talk like a moron. It does not mean that grammatical rules and general common sense and conversational skill is redundant."

Granted when you are chatting in real time you might prefer to ignore such rules as capitalising the first letter of the sentence because you don't want whoever you're talking to to wait too long. But seriously, the state of the English language has forever been going downhill since the invention of internet. It's possibly the worse thing happened to the language after the American decided to reinvent spelling rules.

Okay, here are a few guidelines to not be a moron while online:

1. "LOL" does NOT equal to a fullstop. In fact it's not even a punctuation. Honestly I have never really heard a joke from an email that is so funny that it made me laugh out loud. Do this simple exercise with me: whenever you feel the urge to type "lol", listen VERY hard to see whether you are in fact laughing out loud. If not, don't type it. Personally I prefer people to type "Haha". Even better if it's in brackets.
   
2. Just because you're online does not mean you can reinvent English lanaguage. I got told off for shocking grammar in emails (Granted. Most of the time it's actually my mild dyslexia playing up. Unless I know what I'm looking at, sometimes I'll mix up words... anyway enough about myself), and yet you see people completely disregard the punctuation and grammar rules, and get away with it. Grrrr.
   
3. SPELLING. Really. Show they world you're literate by using the correct spelling. Anyone using abbreviation just to save typing time will have to explain to me how much they are paying per character they're typing. Because that would be the only reason why you want to type less characters.
   
4. Oh, and anyone who alternate capital letters and lowercase should be shot.
   

Frankly, for someone with English as a second language (okay, so it's almost my first...) to point this out is a disgrace to any native speaker. The faceless form of communication that the internet provides makes people think it's okay to be an illiterate moron. No, it's not okay. Everytime you type something, just remember it's still represent who you are. Sound the words out in your head. This is what others hear in their head. Occational typos in unavoidable, but do try your best not to sound like a moron. Please.

Enlightenment: Part 2

No one said the road to enlightenment was going to be easy. So yesterday I stared at the equations, read other references, and found another version of the equations in a set of variables that actually makes sense (i.e. the few equations in question has consistent variables. So what's t in one equation is still t in the next one). And it helps. A LOT. Never underestimate the power of "the other prepective".

Downloaded Firefox and Thunderbird yesterday, partly because I can't be bothered thinking about maths, partly because I'd probbaly be under pressure if I don't, partly becasue my install of mozilla is playing up anyway, partly because it sounds a lot better. And it is. Things are very intuitive and that's saying something when it comes from me... know how bizaare my train of thought normally is.

Anyway, motivation is still at an all time low. I'll have to keep staring at equations...

Enlightenment

The meeting with my supervisor yesterday was almost confusing. For all my engineering career I've been told that we need to know how to get things to work (ie: which equations to use) but not why it works (ie: what those equations actually mean). Yesterday my dream has been shattered when my supervisor told me it's not enough to know what the equations do. I am to write the equations out and think about it and meditate until I've reached enlightenment and can actually tell him what all the terms in the equations does and how it affect the signal.

The most inportant equation (written on my white board at the moment) involve a triple integral over a formula which has 3 different variables that stands for time (and 2 for frequency, but that I can haddle.)

ARGH!

**WARNING: mindless conversation to self to follow. It WILL involve signal processing. You have been warned.

Okay. Calm down Lisa. Look at the equation. It's like a Fourier transofrm over the ambiguity fuction, and added the kernel... okay why the HECK is there an u as well?? I thought t and tau took care of time... where did u come from? Calm down... step at a time... what the fuck does the ambiguity function MEAN?? Ok... slow down... watch your breathing... look deep into the symbols... now. Visualise the signal and see the function dissolving the signal into it's time and frequency components... just like Fourier transform... but in time as well... now look at the ambiguity functions... ok I'm lost...

/back to the search of enlightenment.

Come on and take a look outside

Horrah! Pacifier is no more and Shihad's going to call themslves Shihad again! I still don't think a band like them should compromise their identity and change their name just because some Americans think their name sounds like jihad. That's like saying they should change the name of the second LotR movie just because "The Two Towers" remind them too much of the twin tower. The world is bigger than you think. Group up, and stop being so self centered.

Anyway, feeling much better now and I think it's time to really get some work done and show the world what I'm capable off. (Before my enthusiasm runs out again.)

Well I guess this is growing up

I think I've really grown up. Instead of dragging my sick body into uni to see the open day just to see my ex still doing his final year project presentation and rub it in his face the fact that I'm doing my PhD, I've decided to stay home and try to get better.

I guess I've given up trying to get back at him now. I mean, it really is a long time ago. (Wow... it'd been 4 years!) Some scar doesn't heal I suppose, but this time maybe I'll just let it go.

Besides, there's always the graduation... :P

But really, I doubt I've ever really wanting THIS badly to just show an ex just what he's missing, just how stupid he was for dumping me. Granted none of my other ex went into such extreme and hurt me that bad. But you just got to wonder I have to like him quite a lot to actually be hurt this badly. But ah well, he made his choice. And I'm more mature than that. Besides, I'm the one who's insanely happy all of the time... well, better if I'm not coughing like mad but still. So I'm not the one who lose out really...

Burglar trap

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Beauty is only skin deep

The other night I was on my way home and Bomber was on the radio, he said something that I was meaning to share here but keep putting off (thanks to more urgent news like a friggin cold).

It goes something like this: (paraphrasing, like, a lot)

Everyday on TV, on the street, in magazine, in shops, we're being fed with this idea of what the society norm is. We see how people live, how they dress, and we start to compare ourselves with "them". The damage this does to one's self esteem is horrific. Everyday we're bombard with advertising to tell us that we are not good enough, that we need their product to match the "norm". All you gentlemen out there (note: Bomber's words, not mine): everyday tell your girlfriend or your wife that she's beautiful, because everyday there's a million-dollar industry out there trying to convince her otherwise.

End of paraphrasing. :)

I'm blessed with a boyfriend who tell me I'm beautiful the way I am and try to convince me that I don't need to lose weight. But when I look around me, everyone's promoting this "norm", this ideal. It's only when I shop for clothes when the shop is having a sales that I realise my size is almost always the first to go. That I'm actually normal. It's scary isn't it? The whole world thinks you have to be skinny to be normal.

There's a reason why I don't get beauty pagent, or rather I just don't agree with it. It's like saying if you're a girl all that matter is your weight, your measurment, and how you look. They kept saying it's about more than that. Sure, that's why Miss Universe will always include a clip of every contestants in swimsuit and bending down. That's why the talent quest is mostly people dancing, singing, or doing some lame magic trick. Kudos to those who can actually plan a musical instrument there, but I'm still waiting for those show to actually let the contestant show REAL talent. A while ago a postgrad in engineering from MIT got into Miss USA, and I really hope she didn't play dumb to get there. If I were her I'd solve a second order PDE on the spot... okay maybe not, my calculus is a bit rusty. But at least I can show my neural network learning machine. Either way, I say beauty pagent is a degrade for woman. In fact Pete mention that it's degrading for men too. Kinda also reduce them to some shallow perves. After all, it doesn't matter how well you sing or dance or solve your second order PDE, it's the chick "with the biggest tits who wins" (Pete's words, not mine). And what is that saying about men?

Stand up for yourselves. Show the world that it's not the superficial stuff that matters. Tell people that we're all individual, and that you yourselves are special. Tell yourselve than you're a beautiful being made in God's image. Don't let the society reduce you to a pretty doll. We don't need to be Barbie or Ken to be loved. Don't give in the to peer pressure and try to archive the "norm" that those multi-million company try to trick you into believing. Think for yourselves. Don't EVER become a sheep.

/told you mainstream sucks...

Chicken soup

Nothing feels better than drinking chicken soup while you're having a cold. Really.

My mum used to get annoy at me, since Chinese thinks you shouldn't have chicken when you're having a cold/flu. So last night she decided to make some Chinese soup/tea/whatnot for me. And then comes the problem: am I having a "heat" cold or a "cold" cold?

Apperantly, it's of the utter most importance to figure out whether it's a heat cold or a cold cold. Because what's good for one would make the other worse. So we looked up the symptoms. Heat cold: red eyes... check. Eye pain... check. Maybe I'm having a heat cold... no no... for the cold cold: cold hands and feet... check. Loss of appettite... check. Oh dear.

At the end my mum and I decided that it's more probable to be a cold cold, cause it was probably slightly more accurate.

And behold: this morning my cold's gone worse...

Sometimes, you just can't win. And I bet you if she makes the stuff for the heat cold today, it'd also make it worse. Mark me words.

/going back to chicken soup.

Of love and offering and all the other stupid things

Still in lab. Still don't feel like working. At least I"m conscious now, so that's an improvement.

Physically I'm not feeling TOO sick, but the coughing and body ache serves as a constant reminder that I"m not feeling well. Doesn't matter that I've finally stared at the equations for long enough to understand them. I'm still sick.

That's ok, Pete's picking me up after my meeting. Then I can go home and rest. :P

A friend of mine asked me last night whether I would think it's okay for her to go out with her ex without going stable again. The concept on its own is a bit weird, if you think about it. In essence it's exclusive, but without the commitment and you can't quite call him a boyfriend. Kinda remind me of myself about a year ago really.

Now, do I think it's okay? The thing is, if the two of them are happy together, I don't see why they aren't, or if there's any reason why they shouldn't. The fact that neither of them want to commit sound to me like a warning sign.

Then again, relationship are never that straight forward. (With possibly the exception of me and Pete, and *touchwood* we're hoping it'd stay this way.) Obviously they have their own reason to avoid being committed, and if they are happy as they are now, I don't see there's a problem.

Speaking from personal experience, the risk lies in the excessive emotional investment. The idea that one day you would have to pull out. Even when both parties expected it, it still hurts. Oh yes it does.

I'm not even gonna go into what happen if one of them moves on.

That question my friend asked really hit me in a sense, because I was there. And now I'm thinking: If I am to start all over again, would I have done it all the same.

A long fogotten feeling about a long forgotten story.

Knowing the outcome: probably not. Although I was truly happy for a while.

And life is just a pursuit of happiness.

In a way I'm glad Keane's Somewhere only we know didn't come out earlier. That would be the song of the story that used to be.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

I'm glad I can now just like the song for the melancholic song that it is.

PS: Probably quite obvious, I'm just very happy about where I am now. Happy people are selfish, hopefully the above article didn't hurt anyone... espeically those still needs to decide.

PPS: And to my one and only, Thank you for making me happy. :)

Body ache and work...

First day back in uni. I'm still pretty darn sick. Barely holding
up really. I might have to go get something to eat soon, possibly
get some panadol too, if I can be bothered. Hopefully I can get
the rest of the week "off", meaning working from home. I'll probably
go back to work next week or something but man... working while
sick is so annoying...

Does Lara Croft ever get sick?

No seriously, does she?

Went to a costume party last night, and I was dressed as Lara Croft (Pete was Indiana Jones. :P That was kidna cool). Of course that would require me to wear hot shorts and a tank top. Despite of the fact that I was wearing a rather think jacket, I still caught a cold.

At least that's what I'm blaming it on.

Which brings a very valid question: how can Lara Croft wonder around in tombs and stuff (which I thought would be cold but I might be wrong) and not get a cold?

Maybe I'm just weak.

/Lara Croft now gets back to looking after the sick Indiana Jones...

Lost in Equations

It's amazing what you can find out about what you don't know just by doing a PhD. Honestly, I always thought my maths was my forte but it's really once you start reading paper and confused about the symbols that they are using that you realise something is wrong. Something is terribly, horribly wrong. My supervisor always comment that we're not doing enough maths in engineering, esepcially if you compare our syllabus with the stuff outside. But really. For something like me to get to postgrad doing sig pro and with THIS much gap in my maths, something isn't quite right.

One theory is that with the amount of help one can get with computers nowadays, mathematics is almost redundant. But computer is just a tool. It cannot replace mathematics. True, sometimes you can get away with not knowing exactly what the formula does and still get a result, but to understand what the formula is doing, or even to improve on the method and optimise things, you still need to go back to the mathematics and work from there.

Hopefully it'll all make sense at some stage. It always does. Just need to focus.

Quick note:

Photos from the trip are now available at http://www.clubphoto.com under the email pingu_liz@hotmail.com

Research Progress

*Sigh*...

I've half-heartedly downloaded all the papers in that magazine that my supervisor AND my psuedo-boss suggest I should look at. In the state I'm at now, it's very hard to concentrate. I really think I've caught a cold, but it's so hard to prove so since I'm not getting a headache or anything. Just general dizziness, blocked nose, and sore joints everywhere. Ouch.

Think I might head into uni later, just to hear all those final year project talks. And claim that as "doing some work".

I might have to take tomorrow off as well at this rate. Just to make sure at least that I can get back to working properly next week.

As a parting thought: Love is a verb. Love is a doing word.

Yes I'm listening to Massive Attack. What's your point?

/and the sick girl sinks back into her reading...

Sickie...

Yes, I'm sick again.

I don't know whether it's jet jag, just being tired, or what, but I'm feeling sick again.

I kept thinking I'm having a fever, but I don't know; the thermometer said I'm fine. *sigh*...

Lots of tea and rest should do the trick.

Old love song

Ever played an old song and then some very distant memory and feeling just come back up? It can be very vivid or very very vague. The first crush, or rather, the feeling you felt when you had your first crush. The first time you held hands, the first love, the first kiss.

Alternatively, the song can also bring up the first rejection, the first breakup, the first time someone cheated on you, or just simply: the first heartbreak.

I once tried to listen to the same song over and over again, to the point I just break down in tears. The same song now seems a bit... distant.

Not to mention I realise I deleted a few songs off my computer. And I'm kicking myself for it. Old songs are sometimes hard to find, especially the older Glay stuff.

Maybe it's a sign of healing, the fact that I can listen to those songs again, and actually just treat it as music rather than a reminder of the heartbreaks. Some of them are quite nice too, sorta bring back the feeling of being young and carefree.

Alright, after SMAP's Celery, I'll come back to 2004 and listen to the The Dark of the Martinee. :P

Saving account

Yes. You read it right. I'm getting a saving account. One gives a grand total of one free transaction and chargs 5 bucks for everything after that.

I wonder how long it'd take me (well, and Pete) to save up to buy a house. Housing prices keep going up, with no signs of coming down again. Sigh. Curse you! Curse the population growth!!

I'm still a bit out of it at the moment really. I was going out to the bank and all today and I was still very dizzy, so I've decided to go to a book shop instead of driving home. There are quite a few books on the death of public language really. Ironic isn't it? Here I am, with English as my second language, defending English and cursing at people who don't respect it. One more misuse of "its" or "it's", I'm going to scream. In the words of Strong Bad "I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!! I'll kill all your dogs!!!"

Ahem, all extreme attitude aside: gramma rules should be respected. Language is an art and should be preserved. Although I can see this art dying.

I'm turning into my ex-boyfriend and becoming a grammar police! Noooooooooooo

Recovery

Yay! I think I'm slowly recovering. At least I can spend less than half the day in bed. Man, someone have got to warn me next time before I've decided to spend a day and a half on a plane or in transit.

I've just managed to unpack. The trip just seems so long ago now, which is a shame really. But having said that I'm still not really in a working mood. Then again am I ever in a working mood?

I've also almost finish the book "Eat, Shoots and Leaves". Great book that one. You wouldn't think a book on punctuations would be that interesting and entertaining, but it is. Also taught me how to use semicolon and the colon properly. Probably did a better job than any teacher I've had who's attempted that task.

Actually... did any of them attempted that task at all?

Life's still going a bit slow, after all the excitment from the trip. Hopefully once I decided to start working again it'll get better.

Jet lagged

Yes I'm back, and terribly jet lagged.

The last leg of the trip was a killer. We left Paris on the Monday afternoon, back to England, then off to Tokyo, then they flew us to Christchruch before I'm back in Auckland. Most of yesterday was spent unconcious in my bed. I'm thinking I'm a bit better now. I think

Paris was amazing, despite of the number of people telling us not to expect much. I suppose having Pete with me helps to enhance the ormantic atmosphere there. :)

Pictures to follow once I've uploaded them. :) Meanwhile, I'll nurse myself back to health from jet lag. :)